


You're Not Alone

by Aston (AstonT)



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Depressed Merlin, Worried Arthur, Worried Mordred, talk of destiny
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-20
Updated: 2017-01-20
Packaged: 2018-09-18 17:16:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,312
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9395321
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AstonT/pseuds/Aston
Summary: Merlin's been acting off for a while. None of them understand why, but Mordred's determined to fix it.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This is cross posted on my FFN account.

It was hard to say how many times one of the Knights, or Arthur himself, had found Merlin sitting off alone somewhere and staring into space, looking _lost_ , for lack of a better term.

But it had been happening more often since Mordred had become a Knight. And no one really understood it, but they didn't question it, either.

When Arthur came across his servant standing at the window in his chambers, staring out at the horizon with a faraway look in his eyes, he'd had enough of it.

"Honestly, Merlin, when are you going to tell us what's wrong with you?"

Merlin blinked, looking over at Arthur. "What?"

Arthur gave him a deadpan look as he spoke. "This is far from the first time that I've come across you somewhere, staring out into the distance looking like you're entire world is crumbling around you. So out with it, what's on your mind?"

"Nothing." Merlin said easily, brushing the topic away as he asked about how training had gone.

It was a relief to the warlock that the King took the bait.

* * *

After that day, Merlin worked harder to hide the feeling of loneliness and of being lost from everyone. 

But he could see that it didn't fool everyone.

Gwaine sometimes threw him a searching look when they crossed paths in the halls, like he was trying to find the weak point of his guard.

All of the Knights who knew him well seemed doubtful at times as to just how true his happiness was.

And honestly, Merlin couldn't blame them for doubting, because he knew he was lying to everyone about it.

Mordred, who didn't know the warlock as well as the others, was the one who decided he'd had enough of the act and went to talk to him when he saw the light in Merlin's eyes fade slightly during training when he thought no one was paying attention.

"You know, it isn't healthy to bottle everything up,"

Merlin met striking blue eyes and gave a fake smile. "I know," he commented, looking back out at the training going on. "But it's safer than trying to explain,"

Mordred didn't have to ask what he meant. "It hurts, doesn't it? That you can never share your feats with those you care most for, that you have to suffer alone instead of searching out comfort?" he said, a small, supportive smile showing.

Merlin didn't answer, but the far away look that had shown up gave the Druid Knight his answer.

"If you ever need someone to listen, come talk to me," Mordred bid, not seeming surprised when Merlin didn't respond.

When training ended, Merlin did his job without bothering to put his act back up. He didn't have the strength to.

"What's wrong?" Arthur asked when his servant's silence hit him.

Merlin shook his head. "Nothing," he offered.

* * *

Mordred's words stuck with the warlock. It bothered him that the man who was destined to destroy Arthur and everything they'd worked towards was offering him someone to talk to, someone who would _understand._

And as tempting as it sounded, Merlin refused to let himself be taken in by it. He couldn't afford to let his guard down that much.

Naturally, this is what led to where he was now, sitting in a hidden area of the castle, silent tears falling at random intervals as he allowed his thoughts to consume him for a while.

And due to the fact that he wasn't used to just changing and throwing a mask up so suddenly, when someone walked through the area, he was caught off guard and at a loss for what to do.

When footsteps stopped near him, he finally looked up to meet the worried eyes of Mordred.

"Merlin?" Mordred asked, his voice quiet and worried as he moved to sit with the warlock. "What's wrong?"

Merlin wanted to resist, to tough it out alone, but he couldn't. He didn't have the energy or strength to fight.

"Have you ever thought that maybe it's just easier to give up and let the world do as it wishes to you? That...that one's destiny could be the driving force behind their destruction?" Merlin questioned suddenly, his hopelessness leaking into his words. "Or that...maybe, just maybe....no one really needs you around, despite all your efforts to be worth something?"

Mordred, for all it was worth, was struck silent by the questions the warlock was asking him. He let silence reign as he thought it through, trying to find a way to help.

Eventually, he spoke, his voice soft, soothing. "It might feel like that right now, but...I can promise you that none of it is true."

"Yeah, okay." Merlin scoffed, seeming unhappy with the answer.

Mordred sighed. "Emrys.." he started, seeing the flinch that was given and frowning. "It hurts, I won't lie. It hurts to hear you say such things, and it hurts to see you so upset. You're the strongest of all the people I know, to have gone through such trial and still fight for the path you believe to be right. But you're taking too much upon yourself. You need someone to confide in when it gets too much,"

There was a long silence, and just when he was sure Merlin would tell him to go away, Mordred found himself astonished.

"Maybe you're right..."

* * *

But as it stood, Merlin didn't confide in anyone the way he felt. 

Mordred found himself unable to stop watching the warlock tear himself apart and fade away into nothing.

He wasn't the only one, either. Arthur noticed the change in his servant and seemed far less than happy.

And so, it was due to this that Merlin found himself being cornered after a training practice by the King, the Knights standing around uncertainly.

"You aren't leaving until you tell me exactly why you seem to be killing yourself," Arthur demanded, his tone utterly serious.

Merlin gave him a wary look before he caught Mordred's eyes. The Druid's voice echoed in his mind.

" _You don't have to tell him everything, but you do need to open up to him,"_

It took a long moment before Merlin dropped his gaze and spoke. "Because I feel that it's not worth it anymore," he stated, voice holding nothing but honesty. 

And he was gone before Arthur could react.

Mordred felt a surge of fear go through his heart as he saw Mordred disappear.

"Did he just...?" Arthur trailed off. "Did he just suggest that he feels his life isn't worth living anymore?"

Mordred didn't answer. No one did.

None of them had ever heard such a thing come from the warlock.

It was a long night for those who had heard Merlin's confession.

* * *

When the servant entered the King's chambers to do his job, Arthur spoke from where he was lying awake in his bed. "I want your word that you won't do something stupid."

Merlin glanced at him before he nodded in acceptance and calmly made the promise Arthur needed from him.

But he still had to watch the warlock slowly fade from who he had known for so many years.

Merlin kept to himself so much more than normal, even as of late.

And watching this, Mordred felt a strange chill settle in his bones. Emrys was fading, was giving up, and there was nothing he could do to make the pain fade from him.

" _Emrys...."_

Merlin met Mordred's gaze easily from his place across the courtyard. 

" _Remember there's always hope, even in the blackest night,"_

Merlin felt a real smile show up on his face for the first time in too long at this, gaining one from the Druid as well.

And as he walked away, Mordred couldn't help but feel as if he could help fix what seemed to be a hopeless situation.


End file.
